Break up, give up, leave

 GCIOSGF Newsletter 會訊：

Merry reading time玩咖悦讀匯

Host : NP

Edit: OF 

Obviously, some social relationships have caused us trouble, but it is always difficult to let go, or we don’t know how to let go.

Non-essential social networking

Many people always say that they are too busy, so busy that they have no time to live, read, or cook a meal for themselves, but they don’t know what they are really busy with.

When most people are like this, this kind of ineffective busyness becomes a kind of blind obedience and makes people accustomed. If you want to get rid of ineffective busyness and fatigue, an important first step is to streamline your online social interactions.

In online social networking, we will inevitably create many groups. Friends group, colleague group, company group, project group, grocery shopping group, industry group, coupon group, community group... Everyone has multiple groups with different functions, but in these groups, 80% of the information It is worthless, but it silently consumes our time.

Sometimes I can’t help but look at what is said in the group, sometimes I chat with my colleagues about gossip or complaints, and sometimes I argue with others. We spend a lot of time and energy in chat groups without realizing it. However, time is wasted for no reason, which will shorten our effective time and make life busy and tiring.

In addition to chat groups, friend restrictions and social network posts also need to streamline social interactions. The first thing to do to stop socializing on the Internet is to “delete” it. Delete useless chat groups, delete advertising promotions, or friends who were added at unknown times.

Secondly, a relatively simple and direct way to stop socializing is “time management”, plan your time well, and gradually reduce your time for socializing online. For example, there was originally no time limit for reading messages, but now it only takes half an hour to play. Then gradually reduce the frequency and frequency of online social interactions.

In addition, use mute mode appropriately, turn off group notifications that are not convenient to exit directly, friends that are not suitable for direct deletion, and silence individual friends’ social posts that you do not want to see. Make good use of social functions and gradually reduce unnecessary energy consumption.

frequent recreational gatherings

Getting together with friends occasionally can relieve stress and relax your body and mind. But frequent gatherings and pastimes can easily make people fall into emptiness without realizing it. Life seems lively, but a certain part of my heart is hollowed out.

We need to be even more vigilant about some recreational gatherings in the workplace. After we start working, the people we interact with the most, besides family members, are our colleagues. You can attend occasional gatherings for the purpose of connecting emotionally, but if you gather too frequently and always complain about the company when you get together, it will take a lot of time and effort. Such gatherings are nutritious and can easily lead to unnecessary disputes.

Therefore, just participate in recreational gatherings in moderation. Only by making time and space for yourself, cultivating your own hobbies and building your own spiritual world can you make your life more fulfilling and enjoyable.

Unequal party entertainment

Unequal party entertainment is often tiring and of low value. The so-called asymmetry covers many aspects.

(1) Resource imbalance

Many people are willing to participate in some social activities for the sake of work and personal development. But in reality, many situations are like attending a lot of parties, collecting a lot of business cards, and adding a lot of friends, but in the end nothing happens. Because if you do not have exchangeable resources, or your resources do not have equivalent value, then such entertainment is often difficult to achieve the purpose of resource exchange.

(2) Inconsistency in cognitive levels and values

Why are some gatherings of family and friends so offensive? Why do your relationships gradually fade after some friends succeed in their careers? Why do some industry celebrities seem so aloof?

These interpersonal problems are actually caused by asymmetry in cognitive levels and values. Some relatives like to compare their children’s jobs, incomes, houses, and cars with each other, and urge you to get married and have children, because this is their long-established value standard.

Some friends who have successful careers are not nostalgic, but they may have seen the vast world, gained more knowledge, and led busier lives. Apart from reminiscing about the past, they have little to talk about with old friends.

Some well-known people in the industry may seem “cold”, but it’s probably just that your perceptions are not at the same level. Say something you don’t understand and you still have to explain ten sentences. It’s better to maintain a polite social distance.

Therefore, gatherings and entertainment where there is a large gap in cognitive levels and values ​​should be appropriately streamlined. If you must attend, prepare countermeasures and end it early.

(3) Economic conditions vary greatly

Economic conditions cannot be used as a criterion for making friends, but if they are very different from each other, you should also attend such gatherings selectively. If you are friends who have been together for many years, you will already have a accustomed way of getting along, and you can adapt to each other. If they are new friends and both parties don’t know enough about each other, the gathering process is likely to make both parties uncomfortable.

Many people attend gatherings of old classmates, relatives and friends, and afterward they always complain about someone showing off their wealth, or someone having too many rules and being fake. In the end, the poor feel that the rich show off and show off whatever they lack; the rich feel that

Poor people have low self-esteem. No matter what they do, others think they are showing off.

Regardless of what is right or wrong for the moment, such conflicts are essentially due to the different economic conditions of the two parties, and their living habits and values ​​are naturally different.

Everyone will face different social situations. The division of the above categories is only an example. To put it simply, you can refer to such standards to make choices about the social activities you want to participate in.

Participate in more social interactions to improve yourself. Increasing knowledge, exercising abilities, enriching experiences, etc. This kind of social interaction that helps self-development and self-growth is more worth the time and energy.

中文來源於網路

有些社交關係已經為我們帶來困擾，卻總是讓人無法抽身，或者是不知道該如何抽身。

網路社交非必要

很多人總是說自己太忙了，忙得沒時間生活，沒時間看書，沒時間為自己做一頓飯，卻不知道自己究竟在忙什麼。

當大多數人都如此時，這種無效的忙碌就成了一種盲從，而且讓人習以為常。想從無效的忙碌和疲憊中解脫出來，很重要的第一步就是精簡網路社交。

在網路社交中，我們難免會建立很多群組。朋友群、同事群、公司群、項目群、買菜群、行業群、優惠券群、社區群⋯⋯每個人都有多個不同功能的群組，但是這些群組中，有80%的資訊是沒有價值的，卻無聲地消耗著我們的時間。

有時候忍不住看看群組裡說了什麼，有時候和同事聊聊八卦新聞或抱怨，有時候與人爭執。我們在聊天群組裡消耗了很多碎片時間和精力，只是毫無察覺。但時間被無端消耗掉，會讓我們有效可用的時間變短，讓生活變得忙碌和疲憊。

除了聊天群組，朋友限動、社群網路貼文也同樣需要精簡社交。而網路社交的斷捨離首先要做的就是「刪除」。刪除無價值的聊天群組、刪掉廣告推銷或不知什麼時候加的好友。

其次，一個較為簡單直接的斷捨離方法是「時間管理」，做好時間規劃，逐漸減少網路社交時間。例如，原本是不限制時間的看訊息，變成只玩半小時。之後再逐漸減少網路社交頻率與次數。

此外，適度使用靜音模式，關閉不方便直接退出的群組通知、不適合直接刪除的好友，噤聲不想看到的個別好友社群貼文。善用社群功能，逐步減少不必要的精力消耗。

頻繁的消遣性聚會

偶爾與朋友相聚能讓人舒緩壓力、放鬆身心。但是頻繁的聚會消遣卻很容易讓人在不知不覺間墜入空虛。生活看似熱鬧，然而心底的某個部分卻被掏空。

一些職場上的消遣性聚會更要警惕，開始工作之後，我們接觸最多的，除了家人，便是同事。偶爾舉辦以聯絡感情為目的的聚會可以參加，但如果過度頻繁相聚，且相聚時又總是在抱怨公司，則勞心勞神。這樣的聚會毫無營養，很容易讓自己捲入不必要的紛爭。

所以，消遣性的聚會適度參加就好。為自己騰出時間和空間，多培養自己的愛好、建構自己的精神世界，才能讓生活更加充實愉悅。

不對等的聚會應酬

不對等的聚會應酬往往讓人疲憊且價值低。所謂的不對等包含了很多方面。

（1）資源不對等

很多人願意為了工作、個人發展去參加一些應酬。但現實中很多情況卻是，參加不少聚會，收了大把名片，加了很多好友，最後卻都不了了之。因為如果你沒有可交換的資源，或者你的資源沒有對等的價值，那麼這樣的應酬往往很難達到資源交換的目的。

（2）認知水準、價值觀不對等

為什麼有些親友聚會那麼令人反感？為什麼有些朋友事業成功之後，你們的關係會慢慢變淡？為什麼有些行業知名人士看起來那麼高冷？

這些人際問題其實是認知水準、價值觀的不對等造成的。有些親戚喜歡互相比較孩子的工作、收入、房子、車子，催你結婚生孩子，因為這是他們早已固化的價值標準。

有些事業成功的朋友並非不念舊，但他們也許已經看過了廣闊的世界，有了更多的見識，有了更忙碌的生活，和老友除了反覆回憶往事，能聊的所剩無幾。

有些行業知名人士看起來「高冷」，但很可能只是你們的認知不在同一層次。說一句，你不懂，還要解釋十句，倒不如保持禮貌的社交距離。

所以，認知水準、價值觀差距較大的聚會應酬，要適度精簡，如果一定要參加，也要準備對策，提早結束。

（3）經濟條件相差懸殊

經濟條件不能當成交友基準，但若彼此相差懸殊，這種聚會也要選擇性參加。若是相處多年的好友，已經有習慣的相處模式，彼此尚可適應。如果是新朋友，雙方瞭解不足，聚會過程很可能讓彼此都不舒服。

很多人參加老同學聚會、親友聚會，結束後總會抱怨某人炫富，或者是某人規矩多、很假掰。到頭來，窮人覺得富人炫耀，自己缺什麼對方就炫耀什麼；富人覺得

窮人自卑，無論自己做什麼，對方都覺得在炫耀。

暫不論孰是孰非，這樣的矛盾本質上是因為雙方經濟條件不同，生活習慣和價值觀自然有所差異。

每個人都會面臨不同的交際場合。以上類別的劃分也僅是舉例。簡單來說，可以參照這樣的標準，對於你要參加的社交活動做出取捨。

多去參加提升自我的社交。增長見識、鍛鍊能力、豐富經歷等，這類有助於自我開發和自我成長的社交，才更值得付出時間和精力經營。